August 23, 2016

98%! The doctor said my ankle is about 98% healed! I am going to make a full recovery! The movie I was cast in begins filming in nine weeks and choreography training starts in six. I still have a bit to go, but between the technique that Fiona introduced me to and the stretches, tai chi, and massage, I should be ready to go by the time they need me to begin.

It’s so exciting! I know I was in this place once before and that it didn’t end very well. The closer this project gets, the more my mind occasionally flashes to that fearful place. I have been pretty successful at not letting it get a foothold. I change the direction, focus on the positive, visualize myself in that life-giving place that dance takes me to. For the most part, it’s keeping me away from the worry, but there were a couple nights that I had nightmares about it.

In the dream, I was in the new role, but what they wanted me to do was exactly the same as in the first movie I was cast in. I knew the moment I executed that pivotal leap, that my ankle was going to shatter. They pressed anyway and I felt like I had no choice. My heart was beating furiously as that moment approached and, finally, I leaped. The fall to the ground lasted an eternity…an eternity where I lived in the merciless anticipation of the irrevocable future to come. As my foot touched the ground and my ankle twisted and shattered, I woke up screaming. The first time I had the nightmare, I was alone here in the cottage. But the second time I had it, Ty was here. I think I scared him half to death. He tried to comfort me until the feeling passed, but a part of it lingered and for almost a week now. That night, he stayed awake and held me in his arms until I fell asleep. It was the only good thing about the nightmare.

So, I’m mostly thrilled and a tiny bit fearful of getting hurt again. Trent tells me not to give the fear any airtime in my mind. I’m doing my best to listen. He reminds me that when I am at my best, close to my core frequency, that my body is at its best, also. We’re all still learning about frequency, but I’ve experienced enough in the past few months to know he’s speaking the truth.

I will try to keep my head in a good place. 98%! That is definitely a good place!

Ellie Mayfield  9:18pm

July 4, 2016

It was an amazing Fourth of July! Today was the first time Tyler and I were out socially as a couple. I know we have only been together for a few days, but each new thing, each new step, each tiny intricacy is still so surreal. I never dreamed he would be with me and yet, I’ve felt, all of my life, that he was perfect. I would just never acknowledge it. All of that time, I spent doubting myself, convinced I wasn’t enough for him to even notice me. The funny thing is, without the Arelyth Chronicles, this may never have come about. Is it possible I have Owen to thank?

Being at Scot’s picnic, knowing that Tyler is my boyfriend– it was a thought I just kept replaying, because it never stopped feeling amazing to realize. And it’s just the beginning…that thought also thrills me! Tomorrow, we are going to the lake with Trent and Scot. I am truly looking forward to a normal summer outing! I guess I have Owen to thank for that, as well.

I find myself wondering now, if things will just go back to normal and remain that way, or if any of the things and people who contributed to our new perspective, will revisit us again. There is a whole new depth to the world and part of me is eager to explore it. The other part of me would be very happy with simple and ordinary for a while.

Either way, I’ve learned that Now is what matters most…and this now is pretty amazing. It finally feels like I have a hold of it, or rather, like I don’t need to. It feels eternal, like we have all the time in the world. Even today doesn’t feel like its ending, though it will be midnight in a few minutes and I am just about to turn in. Maybe it’s because he didn’t just drop me off…maybe it’s because he is still here with me, lying beside me, waiting for me to finish writing so he can wrap his arms around me and share that drifting into sleep. Or maybe it’s because it really is all eternal…

So I will end tonight’s entry with this truth: It’s the first time in my adult life that I am loving every moment of now and am so excited about what tomorrow will bring!

Ellie Mayfield  11:59pm