August 23, 2016

98%! The doctor said my ankle is about 98% healed! I am going to make a full recovery! The movie I was cast in begins filming in nine weeks and choreography training starts in six. I still have a bit to go, but between the technique that Fiona introduced me to and the stretches, tai chi, and massage, I should be ready to go by the time they need me to begin.

It’s so exciting! I know I was in this place once before and that it didn’t end very well. The closer this project gets, the more my mind occasionally flashes to that fearful place. I have been pretty successful at not letting it get a foothold. I change the direction, focus on the positive, visualize myself in that life-giving place that dance takes me to. For the most part, it’s keeping me away from the worry, but there were a couple nights that I had nightmares about it.

In the dream, I was in the new role, but what they wanted me to do was exactly the same as in the first movie I was cast in. I knew the moment I executed that pivotal leap, that my ankle was going to shatter. They pressed anyway and I felt like I had no choice. My heart was beating furiously as that moment approached and, finally, I leaped. The fall to the ground lasted an eternity…an eternity where I lived in the merciless anticipation of the irrevocable future to come. As my foot touched the ground and my ankle twisted and shattered, I woke up screaming. The first time I had the nightmare, I was alone here in the cottage. But the second time I had it, Ty was here. I think I scared him half to death. He tried to comfort me until the feeling passed, but a part of it lingered and for almost a week now. That night, he stayed awake and held me in his arms until I fell asleep. It was the only good thing about the nightmare.

So, I’m mostly thrilled and a tiny bit fearful of getting hurt again. Trent tells me not to give the fear any airtime in my mind. I’m doing my best to listen. He reminds me that when I am at my best, close to my core frequency, that my body is at its best, also. We’re all still learning about frequency, but I’ve experienced enough in the past few months to know he’s speaking the truth.

I will try to keep my head in a good place. 98%! That is definitely a good place!

Ellie Mayfield  9:18pm

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